I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I want a musical about memes.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
