If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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