some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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