He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
