No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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