I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
