you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
