Need sex. Gaining weight.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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