if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
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I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
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you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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