I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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