What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
