Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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