so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
