i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
