So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
