Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
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