i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
