apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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