Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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