the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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