I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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