he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.