Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls