woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.