The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
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I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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