the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year