I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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