Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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