omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize