Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
