Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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