The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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