I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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