Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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