I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
