I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology