: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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