so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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