I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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