i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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