Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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