the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
