At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
