she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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