i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
