I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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