Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
