You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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