I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
