You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
