hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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