he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
