Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
