this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
