Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
