why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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