you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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