i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
