I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize