I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
