I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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