This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
