i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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