I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
