Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
